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However, if you watch them over time, as I have, you can often determine their motivations by observing the results of their choices.And of course you can listen to what they say and what they report in anonymous surveys. We're always looking for ways to solve or avoid problems.I've employed all these methods to compile a fairly comprehensive view of possible motivations for choosing polyamory. So it's probably inevitable that some people will come to polyamory hoping that polyamory will allow them to avoid dealing with problematic personal issues or that it will solve problems in an existing relationship, but if this works at all it's usually a temporary fix.In a few cases, however, polyamory does allow people to create healthy and functional relationships they probably could not have managed otherwise.

Some are trying to make up for developmental gaps or to balance unequal sex drives.

They were both virgins in their early twenties when they married forty years ago.

After ten years of being happily monogamous, while attending a relationship seminar they discovered that neither one was invested in sexual exclusivity.

"I have enough difficulty with one relationship at a time and I would go completely unconscious in a number of simultaneous relationships.

But I'm in love with him, and he wants polyamory, so I'm trying to be open minded about it." I suggested a few books and websites, offered to put her on my mailing list and suggested she let me know if she wanted some coaching in navigating this unfamiliar territory.

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