Only attractive people dating

The other day, at a Fashion Week party, my friend Alan and I stood against a wall, scanning the room for hot people, as you do.

“It’s weird,” he said contemplatively, staring into a sea of models.

“Lately, in order to want to sleep with someone, I actually have to them as a person.” He said this as if it were a mind-blowing revelation.

I told him that, at 31, the realization was probably a bit overdue, but I knew what he meant: As one gets older, it becomes harder and harder to be attracted to someone simply because of the way they look.

But, as un-shallow as I have congratulated myself for being on many occasions, I will admit that there have been times when someone’s looks overwhelmed any need for a deeper compatibility.

Case in point: A couple years ago, I dated a writer whose work I really admired—he was kind and intelligent, we got along wonderfully, and the sex was good, too.

However, he was bald and a little shorter than me, and ultimately just not that hot.

“It just so happened that, about five or six years ago, what was fashionable in terms of male models were thin, tattooed punk boys who looked like they’d just been plucked from a skate park, and It’s true: It’s human nature to want to kiss and touch and penetrate beautiful people.

My friend Millie Brown, a performance artist widely known as the “vomit artist,” has a lot of experience with dating freakishly attractive men.

Millie and I lived together during our early and mid-twenties, and at the time, it felt like every other week she had a new model boyfriend.

“The guy I was dating would endlessly post half-naked selfies, and then wait around to see how many people liked them.

He just constantly needed validation.”Personally, the people I’ve been most attracted to—not the superficial kind of attraction we feel to a pretty person on a page, but a deep, chemical attraction—have not been conventionally beautiful.

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  1. She received her Ph D in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University and is the author of the Amazon Bestseller Dr. Be careful about opening up too soon when you start dating someone. Chloe Carmichael says: "For many people, especially women, it's hard to learn how to open up to someone in a nuanced way.