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The first rule is pretty simple: If you don't own the phone, you're not allowed to do anything without the other person's permission. Ideally, your boyfriend would give you his passcode and say you're allowed to look at anything you want anytime you feel like it, and you would do the same, because you trust each other completely and are obviously too pure for this world.

But that's not usually real life (and if it were the case you probably wouldn't need to snoop in the first place).

So if he doesn't give you his passcode, then you need to get permission on an ongoing basis.

"Permission is a tricky concept because it can be limited or revoked," Judge Dana Cutler says.

And at worst, "digital abuse" can be part of a larger pattern of, or precursor to, domestic violence.

Make sure you close out of apps and lock your phone screen every time, and contact your phone company about setting up additional security on your line.Pop quiz: You're hanging out on a lazy Saturday and your boyfriend leaves the room.While he's gone, his phone lights up with a notification. Do you A) Decide it's none of your business and look away, B) Make a mental note to ask him about it, C) Pick it up, swipe in his passcode and read it, or D) Use it as permission to go full Mr. Choosing the first option requires the self-control of a saint-the temptation to snoop in someone else's phone is real."The technology to follow up on that 'gut feeling' of suspicious activity is available, and people are using it." Before you spy (even just for a second!), here's what you need to know: It all comes down to three issues: ownership, permission, and expectation of privacy.

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